Fears have been creeping in.

I Love being a mother. I am positive that I'll never accomplish anything bigger in my life then carrying, birthing and raising Lily. Having Lily has re- introduced me to the love, I always knew I had for children. Me and Mike have been chatting about when the best time to have a second baby is. Yes , Lily is only  7 months, it'll be a year or so before we decide to go for number 2, but I want my children to be pretty close in age.

So as me and mike have been talking about this, I'm getting really nervous about the prospect of another pregnancy. I loved being pregnant, and am excited about doing it again, however, Mine wasn't what I thought it was going to be. Every one has a vision of what it will be like for them and I was sure I'd have an easy going pregnancy, after all, it's what my body is made to do, right? My reality was so far off from my vision. Fighting off preterm labor for 10 weeks was not part of the pregnancy I was going to have. I am so thankful to God for allowing Lily to make through our 36th week, but here's where the fears start... What if the next doesn't wait that long. I went into labor for the first time with lily at 26 weeks. it took 5 days to stop it, but they did stop it. What if  it happens again, and they can't. I don't know if i could handle delivering my baby and it not making it, or going through months of NICU life. Of course I would, and would just be thankful for anytime I'd have with my future baby, but I am so terrified about the what ifs involved in having another baby. We we're so lucky with Lily, I truly believe bed rest made such a difference in my contractions, and labor. But how can I do bed rest with a toddler?! Lily will be running around and needing my attention, Mike will have to work, so how do I manage both?? I pray that when we decide to have another baby Things will go smooth and that the pre term labor with Lily was just a fluke, and it wont happen with the next, but it's something I'm very worried about.

I Know deep down it's silly to worry. After all, God is in control and I trust him with my future. For years I was told that I'd be lucky to even get pregnant so I know God is working miracles in my Life. It's so apparent when I look at Lily. Every now and then I just need to vent some fears.